Week 11: Big fat nothing

      Big fat nothing - Simon van Gend

11 Big fat nothing

How much of what we do is motivated by our fear of amounting to nothing, or of ending up on the street, or of being unwanted and unloved, or because we know we’re going to die one day and had better be as alive as we can be while we’re here? This song is me wondering about all this out loud. Maybe the song itself is another of my attempts to be something, rather than nothing, a reaction to my fear of the emptiness. Hope it amounts to something.


I pass the bergie on the street his lowdown luck just triggers my conceit
The love I got that fed me up and filled my life with all I proudly bleat
Feel so elite
But deep inside the unnamed dread
The heebie jeebies spinning in my head
What you got to do that for,
Remind me just how thin the love is spread?

Everything I ever get done
And everything I’ll ever do
All the little glories that I’ve won
And everyone I’ve tried to screw
It’s all because I’m terrified
Of the big fat nothing

I see a girl she makes me hot I try to find a way to make her feel the love I’ve got
But before I find the words to speak the fear steps in and ties my tongue in knots
And the bubble pops
And oh to think that maybe she
Wanted that thing just as much as me
Seems the fear of falling down
Trips me up and send me to my knees


The bleakest fears are stirred in me by angels carved in stone in cemeteries
Already as a child I knew that someday all I was would cease to be
The warmth would freeze
So here I sit, writing a song
Hoping it will somehow make me strong
Fleshing out the empty space
Trying to make some love out of an ache

7 thoughts on “Week 11: Big fat nothing

  1. I feel honoured to receive these songs … amazing Si .. you not only know how to handle the strings of a guitar but also the strings of the heart xx

  2. smaak it! The bergie beginning feeding into your quest for matched loving is really interesting – and I’m still trying work out how you see this relationship.

  3. I’m not sure how to comment on this song without sounding terribly overeager because I think it’s an incredible song and I love it 🙂 The guitar part is amazing and expresses the lyrics so beautifully. Thank you for this incredible song!

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