Week 5: Find my grace

      Find my grace - Simon Van Gend

05 Find my grace
I’m learning a lot by having to put myself on the spot to create to a deadline. The process is forcing me right up against all the things that usually stop me from writing – fear of making bad art, fear of showing my true vulnerable self, fear of the nothingness before ideas come.  By being forced to push through these fears, I guess I’m getting better at acting despite them, and learning to ignore the internal critic that keeps on yakking the whole way through the process of writing a song. I’m feeling inspired by the idea that the only way to get better at anything is to do lots of it – to risk making bad art, knowing that the more songs I write, the more likely I am to write really good ones.

I have a folder on my computer where I keep little recordings of bits and pieces of song ideas and riffs. I was going through it looking for inspiration for this week’s song when I came across the riff you hear at the start of the song. I had no memory of recording it so it was like a gift out of nowhere, and it got me excited enough to write the song. Another song about how lost I feel sometimes, and how I’m going to find myself somehow. Hope you like it.


Oh my oh I’ve got a problem
Feeling the love that I find
The feelings push and backwards I shove them
I conquer them every time

Way back before I was broken
And buried inside of my mind
I was open to every token
Of every attempt to be kind

Out in the wind is a song
About a boy who is lost
About a man who can never belong
To a particular place
Or a particular time
With a shadowy face
And a flickery mind

Oh my oh I’ve got a problem
Stepping outside of my head
Seems no matter how much I prod them
The feelings prefer to be dead

Do you remember the sparkle and laughter
that took us along for the ride?
Didn’t you wonder what happened thereafter
That made me go hiding inside?


I’ll find my grace
I’ll figure out it’s hiding place
Maybe I’ll regain the face
That I had before
I lost it somewhere in a barren land
To things I couldn’t understand

Oh my oh I’ve got a problem
Keeping a smile on my face
All alone in the love and the goodness
Scattered all over the place

Sometimes I sit and I wonder
How different things could have been
If I’d never boarded that train
And seen the things that I’ve seen



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